Off Topic You crack me up!

[Chelseafan]

Danny ran home from school, as he couldn't wait to break his good news.

"Mum, Mum!" he yelled. "I had sex with my geography teacher today!"

"Dad, Dad! Guess what, I had sex with my geography teacher."

"I'm proud of you son," the father replied, to the mothers disbelief.

"I think now you're old enough to ride your brothers bike."

Danny's face dropped in disappointment. "I can't my arse hurts."

[Ollie]

My mate just lost their job as a lifeguard at our local swimming pool. Apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of Muslims walk past isn't acceptable

[Ollie]

The lesbians next door asked what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

[Chelseafan]

What are Three Lions' players John Terry, Ashley Cole and Wayne Rooney now collectively known as?

The three Cheetahs.

[Franco]

I got fired from Metropolitan police today.

Apparently, it's inappropriate to yell "Pikachu!" While I taser people.